All we want for Christmas is an IoT party

Young man wearing virtual reality VR glasses / googles.

Call me Gadget Freak. Like most ageing agency hipsters, heroically trying to retain their sangfroid in the midst of midlife crisis, I am an incorrigible tech obsessive. Mind you, so is the hardworking talent in our awesome digital team. A team of geeks so busy cranking out digital campaigns on a 24/7 basis that they haven’t had a moment to think about the office Christmas party. So, while we were having an AI-garage jamming session in our uber-mellow combinatorial innovation space, we came up with a really awesome idea.

jam hipster digital marketer

To help indulge our mutual obsession with novel technology, accumulated disposable income, alcohol-induced attention deficit issues and passion for free-thinking, I have asked our talent management team to give everyone a choice between having the world’s first fully-integrated IoT office party (gets my vote) or an all-night clubbing session at the Electric in Brixton (boring). Seems fair to me.

To inspire everyone’s faculty for forming new ideas, images or concepts of external objects not yet present to the senses, the talent team Yammered everyone a comprehensive list of all the IoT devices we could use to create the greatest Christmas IoT office party of all time, including:

Multicolour lights, VR headsets, smart thermostats, air quality monitors, remote control cameras, voice controlled music pods, smart locks, AI toys, smart coffee makers, programmable dash buttons, smart Wi-Fi plugs, voice controlled monitors, smart watches, gesture controllers, smart cameras, click and grow herb gardens, portable fish finders, wireless blood pressure monitors, pet tracking collars, proximity based thermostats, home security systems, sensing cookers, wireless breathalysers, smartbed sensor kits, smart bulbs with integrated multi-channel stereo wireless speakers, automated sprinkler systems, smart propane gauges,  garage connectivity kit, baby monitoring clothing, health trackers, Bluetooth Lego blocks, hover board developer kit, geo-locating luggage, pool cleaning robots, communicating smart rings, stress-reducing bracelets, intelligent yoga mats, intelligent jewellery, facial recognition doorbells, connected art screens, sleep-enhancing sensors, personal protector systems, Bluetooth padlocks, connected motorcycle helmets,  voice activated lights, in-home location data and a gesture control interfaces, Bluetooth tyre sensors, family robots, automated iBeacon developer kits, GPS trackers and motions sensors, smart wristband social bracelets, smartplugs and sockets, streaming media devices, home automation hubs, heart rate monitors, water safety headbands, activity, breath and state of mind trackers, smart weather cams, item tracking devices, smart footballs, music-synch lightshow devices, Bluetooth smartscales, robotic balls, remote plant sensors, connected carbon fibre bikes, touchless interaction rings, movement and sleep tracking devices.

Men playing virtual reality with hololens

I for one am particularly interested in a combination of gesture controllers, intelligent yoga mats, robotic balls and touchless interaction rings. Sounds like a party to me.

Programmer sitting on the floor in front of a laptopTo balance out the options, we sent everyone a picture of the Electric in Brixton in full swing. I am nothing if not fair yo.

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Their overwhelming response (including my talent management team’s) reminds me why some clients hate research. WTFudge dude? Everyone shunned my brilliant IoT party concept and opted for the Electric Brixton shindig. Who would have thought? Apparently, everyone but me.

We now have a truckload of redundant IoT devices on our hands in the run up to Christmas and a somewhat discombobulated digital team trying to work their  arses off while nursing epic hangovers. Mind you, I am seeing a surge in post-party interest for state of mind trackers, stress-reducing bracelets and sleep-enhancing sensors. I made this smart chunder-bot after the office party. It senses when you are going to throw up and locates the nearest office bin.

Nerd electronics technician with self made robot

Yes, even when the IoT chipsets are down, someone shaves off your hipster beard and you have a skull-crushing hangover, Gadget Freak has still got it. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to one and all from everyone at Jam Partnership.

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